The Journey Begins Here…

The incident that I’m sharing with you was the first step towards my journey to where I stand today. I feel that there might be someone out there who after reading this might get inspired and motivated to stand up and face the battles of life against all odds.

As I go down my memory lane, I recollect the day when I got the news that I was going to be a mother for the second time. My elder one was just 4 years old that time and was very excited that, like many of her friends, she too will have a baby sibling to play with…

 

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

As days passed, some health related complications occurred resulting in me quitting my job. This was when things took an ugly turn.

I was under heavy medication and felt very dizzy all the time, couldn’t pay enough attention to my daughter, a pall of gloom was slowly descending. Pressure started mounting when  few people around me, accused me of pretending to be unwell just to avoid household chores, although we had housemaids to do the work, but its difficult to break the stereotypical mindset of being a typical lady of the house; she is supposed to have 8 hands to work and no identity of her own.

These nasty games increased with time. Vegetables, food items which caused me huge discomfort and made me sick started featuring more often on our dining table .All these things happened  when my wellwishers were away, so no one believed  what actually happened in the house during their absence. I  stopped complaining for the sake of  maintaing a peaceful atmosphere in the house, my daughter was getting affected due to the frequent frictions. A combination of all these things took a huge toll on my health and my BP shot up and remained high.

 

THE DARK CLOUDS

In my second trimester the doctor informed us that the baby was suffering from IUGR. The doctors told us that the survival chances of the baby were just 35-40% if I underwent a special type of treatment. We agreed..it required me to stay in the hospital for 3 days a week where protein drips were given along with different medicines. It was a very painful process, My both hands would swell up severely and any form of movement was very agonising  but household chores waited for me when I returned. Although my husband tried to help me as much as he could but still the atmosphere of the house was not very cordial. Amidst all of this, the only silver lining was my daughter’s chirpiness and her smile. Unaware of the looming catastrophe she was eagerly looking forward to play with her ‘Pari-Doll’..(we knew the baby’s gender) maybe this was one of the reasons of people’s attitude as still in our streotypical society things have not changed much….However God, had some other plans.

CATASTROPHE

The fateful day arrived..when the doctor stated that the reverse flow of blood had started and any delay in the surgery would put both our lives in danger. The very next day, through C-section  my little girl arrived.. with anomalies, breathing problems and what not. It was an awkward situation. The little one was there but for how long ..not sure. A mother’s heart wanted her to hold on..stick around..but the logical mind knew it wasn’t possible.

The doctors said if she survived she will be in a vegetative state and that the hospitals of the town lacked the required facilities. My brave little bundle embarked on her maiden and final road trip on an ambulance called from Apollo hospital Delhi to be taken there, but  midway my little warrior lost her battle with life. My request to see her for the first… and the last time… was granted. The moment I held her, my composure broke… I kept asking God – why me? What wrong did I do? I was in so much of agony and pain that I got cut off from the reality and from everyone around me, to an extent where I didn’t even notice the changes in my daughter’s behaviour, nothing felt important to me anymore.

THE CATHARSIS

One day while going through the old photographs, I came across a picture of my badi-dadi, (my father’s taiji) who used to love me a lot, feeling very emotional amidst tears I asked her – ‘you are up in heaven, so ask God – why me?  That night, she came in my dream and said ‘God does everything for your own wellbeing and you don’t need to worry as I am with you all the time. Take care of yourself and your daughter.’ The next morning when I got up , I felt light but still could not understand, what was ‘good’ in all this. Slowly I pulled myself together and realised that my very active and chirpy daughter had become very quiet, her playfulness had vanished somewhere. In that moment I realised, that more than me, my daughter had suffered the trauma. So, I decided to get everything back to order like before. Nature took its course and a new life started blooming in my womb… a risk which would cost me my life … and finally, I was blessed with a baby boy. I felt badi-dai’s presence all the while even in labour I could feel her stroking my head and smiling at me.

THE NEW DAWN

All through this time, I had no idea about the spiritual realms or angels. It was only after doing the course about angels, that I realised that badi-dai is one of my guardian angels. Today I also understand the meaning behind ‘God does everything for your own wellbeing’, if pari-doll would’ve been alive, she would be in a vegetative state – neither alive nor dead. It’s better that her sufferings ended in just two days or you can put it this was that I had some karmic debts to be repaid. Also her blood group was negative, if it had been positive, I would never be able to conceive again (medically) as the antigens get mixed in the blood resulting in foetal fatality and due to her negative blood type I gave birth to a healthy child and my family was complete in all ways.

Having undergone such deep pain and trauma emotionally and physically I have emerged as a very strong person from within, an emapth and a strong believer of the fact that you always need to have faith in God and his divine plans and never give up. Your angels are always around you to help, you just need to extend your hand and reach out to them.